Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
