I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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