I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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