I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
