So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
