i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Do vagina's smell?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Alive.
So much puke
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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