i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
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