You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
