She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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