When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
