Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
