I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
