Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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