I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
