proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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