New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
