do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
