We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Text me some of your sweat
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