Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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