just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
