Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
