Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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