Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
