You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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