I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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