Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
