Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
