Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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