So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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