I can text with my tongue
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
