my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
