He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The adults are the big ones right?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
