I wish I only lived at night.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
