My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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