You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
