Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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