Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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