A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
