i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
