exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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