ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
