YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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