I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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