I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
