I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
