my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
