your parents love me but you hate me
she woke up with a sticky ear
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I will be naked everywhere
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
