yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
