they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
