I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
