i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
