He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
