oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
