She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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